I have been noticing lately …
How many people who are committed to healing are actually exhausted.
Not because they’re doing it wrong.
But because they’ve been trying so hard for so long.
I see it in clients.
In practitioners.
And of course in myself at times.
When we’re stressed, tired, overwhelmed or hurting… something very human happens. Our energy reaches outward. We want expression, understanding, acknowledgement, comfort, support … compassion.
Sometimes it shows up as wanting to be seen or heard. Sometimes as anger, blame or the urge to defend or push back. Not because we’re broken… but because something inside us needs care.
These are normal human needs.
The difficulty is… we don’t always have someone available to meet them. And even when we do it depends on their capacity in that moment. They may be tired too. Dealing with their own struggles. They simply don’t have the resources available.
Then extra suffering gets created.
Because when the need for compassion doesn’t get met outside, the pain inside can intensify. We can feel alone, unseen, or abandoned… and sometimes that frustration turns inward.
So the question becomes…
How do we meet our own needs?
How do we become the presence we’re hoping someone else will be for us?
Many people know they “should” practice self-compassion. They try to speak kindly to themselves or repeat affirmations. And yet… nothing really changes. The pain still feels the same.
That’s because compassion isn’t something the mind decides.
It’s something the body and heart have to receive.
In the compassion work I guide, we start by allowing ourselves to be exactly where we are… feeling what we feel… without trying to change it. There’s a quality of self-empathy here. A moment of gently reflecting on how we got here, what we’ve been carrying and what it feels like to be understood.
That feels so good.
And then something shifts.
An inner presence shows up… the loving awareness that’s already within us… saying, I’m here. We’re in this together. Tell me what you need.
Compassion isn’t just a feeling at this point. It’s enough energy to respond.
When we allow ourselves to really feel what it’s like to have someone there for us… just for us… it can be deeply moving. From that place we can listen, name what’s needed and give it to ourselves. A conversation begins between the part that needs and the part that has… until something settles and we return to a sense of wholeness and love.
This isn’t about becoming self-sufficient or closed.
It’s about cultivating our relationship with ourself, as well as relationships with others.
When we stop abandoning ourselves while waiting for something outside to change, something softens. And from that place our relationships with others becomes less charged, less desperate… and more nourishing.
A gentle invitation
Next week I’m beginning The Compassion Experience… a small, supportive course where we explore this process experientially and learn how to meet ourselves with compassion that actually lands and heals.
If you feel drawn to deepen this work, you’re very welcome to join us.
You can find the details and reserve your place here:
I’ve also recorded a short 6-minute guided video that leads you through this compassion process in a simple, embodied way. If you’d like access to that, feel free to message me or reply and I’ll send it to you.
With care, Sandra Hillawi
Sandra Hillawi 