The loss of my lovely Mum has been a new journey for my heart. We were blessed as a family to have been beside her to care, support and accompany my Mum in her last weeks and days. I had time to say all the things I wanted to say and we passed some precious moments of soul connection and tender moments of care for her in her frail state in the last days. I captured one of these precious soul connection moments in the poem As The Celtic Harp as we listened to her favourite music. I think I did the most grieving then in that moment in anticipation of what was to come.
Nevertheless the way loss effected me was a new experience to work through.
Knowing the ways of energy and emotional transformation made the grief possible to navigate on my journey of healing through loss to finding a new home within my self, to find my soul again.
I share some of my experiences in this post. Feel free to comment below or message me after reading if you are touched or need some support for yourself.
I was thankful that I had written a special prayer on my Father’s passing six years ago. At that moment I had searched for a suitable prayer to say and could find none. So I wrote one and then adapted it for my Mum. As her Soul finally left her body, present with family beside the bedside, I was thankful to have the right words to say at such a precious moment.
I was feeling heart pains of loss and grief. I responded with heart healing and self compassion. Compassion itself is a beautiful energy movement that is completely healing. Different from empathy but including empathy in its movement, compassion goes beyond to connect and deliver the solution to the pain. In my case the love to heal my heart.
Then after healing and thinking I was whole again grief would take me by surprise. Suddenly one day I was overcome by tears in Morrison’s where she would do her shopping. Another time sitting in the High Street in Gosport on a bench where we might have passed a moment to rest her legs though the town felt grey and empty now without the presence of my lovely Mum. And oh the feelings of love and longing sorting through her personal things, holding her scarves to my heart, still with her smell on them, or the brush we used to brush her hair as she lay resting in her last days.
Reconnecting with The Departed Soul
I knew I had to reconnect with her departed soul. I sat with my hands on my heart and searched the energy space around me to find ‘where is the soul entity of my Mum now?’ It was no longer in her body but somewhere else. I sensed a place somewhere ‘out there’ and connected to her in that new place. I sat and radiated love to her from my heart. My heart expanded. I received love back from her soul to mine. It was an important step of remaking the soul connection after it had been lost. After that my heart felt so much stronger and my emotions more steady.
As my sister and I compiled a book of my Mum’s life story, from old photos, her paintings, the family growing up and ending in recent photos of her frail self I thought how much she would have loved to see such a book while she was alive. Why didn’t we find the time to do this for her sooner? She would have loved seeing her paintings in print. Even knowing that most of her paintings were claimed by family, going to appreciative homes, they having suddenly soared in value to us on her death, would have meant so much to her.
And then there was another new experience. Now that Mum was no longer there and her flat where she lived the last 12 years would be sold where was my sense of home now? Where was the centre point of my of family? I noticed myself drifting aimlessly like a ship without an anchor I found myself eating a lot, feeding this restlessness within as we worked through arrangements after her passing.
Practicing Self Compassion
Practicing self compassion at each step has been invaluable to me to find the way of healing. This was a new journey to find the way back to wholeness, to a new feeling of home anchored now within my own heart and soul. I had created The Compassion Experience, a journey to share with small groups and explore how Compassion works for others, for the world we are in. I use this process… all the time… for myself and it works without fail every time to heal my emotions and restore my steadiness.
And then love and expressions of sympathy poured in. Another heart journey. How to remain open to receive the love from friends that care and navigate the emotions on receiving love from others. Oh my heart! Its stretching a lot in these days!
I share this last poem I just wrote yesterday about my journey home, finding the way back to my lost soul. The full poem is on mysongsandpoems blog.
I feel blessed that I am an Energist. All the years of learning the art and ways of energy, emotion, evolution and love have equipped me to handle the great loss of my lovely Mum with love compassion gentleness and reverence. I live and practice what I teach. This has been a new journey of expansion, a new evolution for me.
I finish with with love and thanks to my lovely Mum and a love and light blessing below.
If you would like help and support as you navigate through loss of a loved one, or any other big emotional experience, please don’t hesitate to contact me for advice or a free breakthrough session or book an appointment direct in my diary here. You can also find some free resources on this website in the Self Help Free Help Page.
Love and light blessings to you
Sandra Hillawi
Sandra Hillawi 